WARM BOTTLES AND COLD COMFORT
Watching the Africa Cup of Nations semi-final between Equatorial Guinea and Ghana, it was hard to pinpoint the exact moment that
things got out of hand at the Nuevo Estadío de Malabo. Perhaps it was as the Ghana players left the field at half-time under a tortoise formation of riot shields to shelter them from the bottles and stones with which they were being pelted. Perhaps it was when they re-emerged after the interval and needed the same protection in order to get back on to the pitch.
Perhaps it was when the warming-up Ghana substitutes had to take refuge on the pitch from the bombardment. Perhaps it was when the 500 Ghana fans in the ground had to huddle at one end of their stand to avoid the missiles. Perhaps it was when those fans had to bust through a security gate and congregate behind the Ghana goal in an attempt to get out of range. Perhaps it was when those fans realised that they were then trapped, penned in on all sides, with nowhere to go. Perhaps it was when, with 82 minutes gone and Ghana 3-0 up, ref Eric Otogo-Castane had to call a halt to proceedings. Perhaps it was when the Equatorial Guinea minister of sport used the public address system to urge fans to “calm down and cooperate with the police. We are sending a poor image about our country …”
Perhaps it was when the tear gas was released. Perhaps it was when the police-laden helicopter swooped into the stadium, scattering supporters under the noise and power of its blades. Perhaps it was when play was restarted 40 minutes later, with Otogo-Castane playing three more minutes before blowing the full-time whistle. But one thing is for certain: it was a mess, a disgrace and a dismal, dismaying scene for which this year’s tournament will forever be tarnished.
In the aftermath one BBC journalist found a piece of mirror, a broken plate, a broken-off handle, bottles filled with urine and stones among the debris that had been flung at the Ghanaian fans by the home support. “This is the highest state of barbarism,” said Ghana FA president, Kwesi Nyantakyi. Thankfully the football authorities have been on hand to sort everything out. Caf has ordered Equatorial Guinea to cover the cost of the treatment for anyone injured in the violence,
they’ve been fined £65,000 and ordered to play their next game behind closed doors. That all seems pretty lenient to The Fiver, but at least their next game is the third/fourth play-off so that’s a high-pro … what’s that Caf? You’ve not finished? “However, to promote a spirit of fair play and brotherhood during the Afcon2015, the disciplinary panel decided to suspend the match behind closed doors, provided that spectators were not guilty of such an offence in the third/fourth-place classification match.”
So the punishment meted down for the stones, p1ss-filled bottles and shards of mirror, the need for riot shields, tear gas and a ruddy great helicopter, in the continent’s showpiece football tournament is essentially a slap on the wrists and a “please don’t do it again”. The Africa Cup of Nations’ shambling reputation for controversy hasn’t always been deserved, but the past 24 hours has undone all the good work that saw the tournament go ahead against the odds in the first place.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I have had the desire to throw a punch at Ibrahimovic more than once. We have said things to each other in English that I cannot repeat in public … He is playing a role with his arrogant behaviour and he is doing it very well. They should give him an Oscar for it” – Marseille’s Rod Fanni discusses his relationship with Zlatan.
A BUMPER EDITION OF MORE OF YOUR MUNDANE ENCOUNTERS WITH FAMOUS PEOPLE …
“I saw Obafemi Martins driving in to Newcastle Central Station. Gave him a wave but he was concentrating on a big speed bump and didn’t see” – Richard Walker.
“Many years ago, before Mike Ashley, when all was good with the world, I stopped off at the only newsagent at Bowburn, County Durham, to pick up a copy of the nation’s liveliest broadsheet. The owner was in deep conversation with another customer. Upon asking the owner where he kept Big Paper, he said ‘this bugg … [Snip – Fiver Bad Word Ed] got the last one’ – and pointed at Kevin Keegan, who was holding a copy of every available paper. Seeing my mild surprise and disappointment, Keegan gave me his Big Paper, saying: ‘There’s usually nowt in there worth reading anyway’” – Graeme Hull.
“A few years back, when Arsenal still played at Highbury, I was making my way through the nearby streets on match-day, walking against the flow of fans bedecked in red and white as they headed for the game. There was a steward-type chap in a high-vis jacket. There was a sleek silver Porsche. There was a through-the-window conversation about exactly where the driver thought he was trying to get to on a match-day so close to the ground. Poor chump, I thought. Mr Steward won’t be letting some clueless Porsche-driving Islington yuppie get far today. I drew level. It was Franny Jeffers, looking as lost and out of place behind the wheel as he was in an Arsenal shirt, not fox-in-the-box-ing every week for the Gunners. I didn’t catch the full exchange, but the steward had a look on his face that said, ‘Sure, this is your car and you play for Arsenal’” – Rob Young.
“I was in Portugal last summer and went to a luxury family resort in the Algarve (fortunately it was during term-time so just affordable for normal people). While drinking in the bar one night we spoke to another couple who mentioned Damien Duff was also on the resort. We didn’t actually see him ourselves, but I have no reason to believe the story was fabricated. I did see Ben Fogle at the reception desk later” – Paul Richmond.
“One summer’s evening in 1996 at my parents’ restaurant, I was informed by an exiting customer that his mate was a ‘famous Premier League footballer’. I had to ask who said mate played for – newly-promoted Derby County, he said … before helpfully adding: ‘He’s Chris Powell.’ Mr Powell looked suitably embarrassed and, to his credit, wasn’t asking for any special treatment. I warned him to look out for Robbie Fowler … alas, those wise words from a spotty 16-year-old were ignored. I hope he enjoyed the satay that night, though” – Martin Ngwong.
“Back in 2004-05 I worked in Wilmslow (mecca for many a north-west footballer). As I was walking to Tesco to get a snack, Brad Friedel pulled up in his car. I was behind him in the queue as he purchased a banana. As I left, I spotted him approaching his car; as he reached for his keys he dropped the banana. He looked at it for a moment, then simply drove off. Can’t help thinking it was a very disappointing trip to the shops. On another occasion, a colleague and I passed Rio Ferdinand on the street. My colleague, being a die-hard Liverpool fan, greeted him with ‘alright Les?’ He gave us a very colourful reply, basically suggesting that we ‘went away’ and gave us the frowning of a lifetime. Fond memories” – Steve Murdoch.
“Around seven years ago, I was with my younger sister at Heathrow airport before a flight to India and was just about to purchase a bottle of water. As I approached the till, there was a guy in front of me who had just put his passport down. I glanced at his passport, which said ‘Federal Republic of Nigeria’ – my mind started to think about Nigerian footballers, and then as the man turned around it, I realised it was none other than Jay-Jay Okocha. As he started to walk away from the till, I called out, ‘Jay-Jay Okocha?’ He replied ‘yes’, so I shamelessly asked for a picture. He agreed, and I then called for my sister to take a picture using my phone. I thanked Jay-Jay, he said it was ‘no problem’, and off he went. I dropped that phone while I was in India, it broke, and I couldn’t get it to turn on again” – Danny Singh.
“We were in a bar in Johannesburg before the 2010 World Cup final and at the back of the bar were Dutch football greats Frank Rijkaard plus the Koeman brothers. We were stood at the front of the bar and close to us was another familiar face giving it large with his mates. It was Ray Parlour. A bit later, when Ronald Koeman was leaving the bar he walked past Parlour, at which point Ray tapped him on the shoulder and raised his hand to high-five him. Koeman stared at him blankly and left him hanging. The embarrassed Parlour hastily explained who he was. Koeman gave him a polite nod, a half smile, turned around and proceeded to leave the bar still leaving him hanging while we all sniggered uncontrollably much to Ray’s dissatisfaction” – Bappa Dasgupta.
“As a tender young lad just getting into football, my granddad got us some freebie tickets into the top directors’ suite at Newcastle, where nobody batted an eyelid at this 14-year-old enjoying a bottle of Becks or four. Anyway, having annoyed various mid-1990s B-list footballers for their autographs, I recognised a tall, angular and seemingly flustered red-nosed man chatting to Richard Keys. ‘Go on, go get Charlton’s autograph,’ ushered Gramps – although, to be honest, I don’t think he knew which one of the brothers it was either. Not knowing that the Charltons didn’t see eye to eye, I approached them and begged: ‘Please erm, Bobby, Jackie – whichever one you are … can I have your autograph?’ Keys nearly wet himself laughing while Jackie grabbed the programme and wrote right across the back page – THE CHARLTON” – Mike Brown.
“Not so long ago I was playing at a less-than-salubrious golf course in Tooting and hooked a drive from the fifth in the direction of the previous green, where a big fella was putting by himself. Having barely mumbled ‘fore’, I walked nervously towards the green to discover the man I’d nearly hit was John Carew. After apologising profusely, I thought that would be the end of it, but for the rest of the round Big John didn’t wait until we were out of range before spraying balls (he always teed off more than once per hole) down the fairway after us. In hindsight, we should have let him play through” – Lee Holland.
“During tea of a Test match at the Rose Bowl a few back, Mike Gatting was doing a meet and greet for the youngsters. My mate [hmm … – Fiver Ed], who had had a few, decided he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to meet the big man. He queued up with the kids and, when it got to his turn, he told Mike he had a question to ask him. At this point, he froze, forgetting the question. Seconds felt like hours as he was stood there. Security wanted to chuck him off the stage, but Mike wouldn’t let them, telling them to ‘let him ask his question’. My man finally said: ‘I know the answer, but I can’t remember the question. The answer is Mike Gatting.’ At this point, he was helped off stage by the Npower heavies” – Tom Mann.
“How about a mundane encounter with a non-celebrity? While a student in Norwich, in the first fixtures post-Hillsborough, I went along with friends, spur of the moment, to catch the Canaries taking on Everton. I absent-mindedly gave my keys to a friend so that he could take my bike home for me. A late winner meant rejoicing on the terraces (at least in the home end) with much jumping up and down. After leaving the stadium, I realised I was without keys. Having forgotten my earlier bike-related actions, I assumed that the keys had fallen on to the terraces during the aforementioned goal celebrations. We went back to Carrow Road, where a kindly groundskeeper let us walk across the pitch to access the now unfenced terraces. Of course, I did not find my keys. To leave, he instructed us that we would have to use the players’ tunnel and go out via the visitors’ dressing-room access. We came out at about the same time as the Everton team were heading to their bus. There stood a clutch of eager young fans, awaiting autographs. One of them passed his notebook to me, so I did the only thing I could think of and signed it for him. So if there is a Norfolk-based, short-sighted Everton fan, now likely in his thirties, among your readership, hang on to that autograph, son, it may still be worth something someday” – Scott Henderson.
… AND THE REST OF THE FIVER LETTERS
“Surely, given the composition of 45% of the first team between now and the end of the season, Glasgow’s third most-eminent club should be called The Pope’s Newc(astle) O’Rangers?” – Dave Hirst.
“If only Tim Sherwood (Fiver passim) lived in USA! USA!! USA!!! If he got tired of all the gilet/body warmer/blue-collared armless garment grief he gets lumbered with, he could simply point to his constitutional freedoms enshrined in the Second Amendment: the right to bare arms” – Andy Korman.
“Dan Levy’s meeting with Brad Friedel in Starbucks (yesterday’s Mundane Encounters With Famous People) is very close to a scenario in Half Man Half Biscuit’s I Went to a Wedding, where mimicking Shania Twain’s That Don’t Impress me Much, Nigel met ‘a tall balding guest’ and asked ‘so you’re Brad Friedel? I’m mildly impressed’. He was played this clip on Football Focus and was confused but polite. Does anyone else have any football-related HMHB shenanigans?” – Philip Taylor.
“While reading the new Mundane Encounters section of my favourite Fiver, I was reminded of a time at school when we were provided with a supply teacher for a double lesson. Long story short, a few chums and I set ourselves the challenge of naming everyone in the world. We got quite far. Can’t imagine why this popped into my head” – Simon Lea.
“All things considered, Jonathan Lea-Howarth’s meeting (yesterday’s Mundane Encounters With Famous People) was clearly the winner, what with him pretending to be a famous footballer and British theatre legend Sean Holmes pretending to be Sean ‘Puff Daddy’ Combs. Though I think I know which one of those would have been the more difficult to get away with, unless P Diddy has recently gone through some Michael Jackson-style surgery that I don’t know about. Stranger things have happened in the murky world of rap-theatre” – Jamie Mason (and others).
“If David Moyes wants Irn Bru in San Sebastian (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), he can buy Inca cola from any Latino supermarket there. It’s pretty much an identical drink” – Iain St Ruth.
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BITS AND BOBS
Arsenal moneybags Alisher Usmanov has coughed up £3.9m worth of coin to help Russia pay their manager Fabio Capello. “I think the situation created by the current Russian Football Union management is intolerable,”
blushed Usmanov. “It’s an embarrassment when a person who works for Russia doesn’t receive wages for his labour.”
Meanwhile, a Russian Premier League ref has been cleared of racially abusing Zenit striker Hulk. “It is not possible to establish what exactly the match referee said to Hulk,” parped RFU ethics committee suit Vladimir Lukin. “[Matyunin should] strictly keep to the status of an official, not breach the principles of fair play, and behave respectfully to the competition participants.”
José Mourinho has had a fun chat with hacks at his first press conference in a fortnight. “You could make noise with my silence, because you know the reason for my silence. It depends on you. If I was a journalist I could make from silence, lots of words,”
roared the Chelsea boss.
All-round good guys Union Berlin have extended the contract of Benjamin Köhler by a year after the midfielder was diagnosed with a rare type of stomach cancer.“We are all certain that Benny will again wear the Union shirt. He is a fighter on and off the pitch,”
said manager Nobert Düwel.
Arsène Wenger has stuck up for Jack Wilshere after the Arsenal midfielder was snapped holding a shisha pipe. “A photo shows one second of your life,”
wheezed Wenger in an accurate description of what a photograph actually is. “I’ve spoken with him about that [smoking] and he’s not a smoker.”
Sergio Ramos will miss Real Madrid’s derby match with Atlético after the defender was
ruled out for six weeks with hamstring-twang. “The injury to Sergio [Ramos] is serious but I have complete confidence in [Raphaël] Varane and Nacho,” sobbed gaffer Carlo Ancelotti.
STILL WANT MORE?
The Bernabéu booing of Gareth Bale hasn’t been as deafening as the random debate that’s followed,
reports Sid Lowe.
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