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Sounding the Siege Mentality Klaxon
 MOU’S MAHOGANY ABACUS
If the Fiver was Premier League top suit Richard Scudamore – and just to clarify, reader, it isn’t – it would consider offering José Mourinho a job for life, once he’s done with the whole management thing. Because in the face of astronomical ticket prices, questionable facilities for disabled fans, a £5.1bn domestic TV deal that looks unlikely to do anything but swell the silk-lined pockets of its clubs (who mostly refuse to pay their employees the living wage) and persistent racism scandals, nobody is doing more to promote England’s beautiful game to the world than Chelsea’s manager.
“To imagine English football, The Best League in the World™, without one single team in the [Big Cup] quarter-finals is hard. But even if that happens we would still have The Best League in the World™,” logic-ed Mourinho, taking his time to set aside his mahogany abacus.
But no matter whatever guff flies out of the Portuguese, with his bamboozling rhetoric and a look that perfectly straddles the line between a flirty wink and a poke in the eye, would anyone dare to resist the Continental One? Perhaps PSG, who travel to London tonight for the second-leg of their Big Cup round of 16 tie. Chelsea helpfully had the weekend off to prepare, something José wasn’t one bit pleased with.
“I saw PSG’s game on Saturday [won 4-1 against Lens] and our training session that day was harder than their match”, zinged José, conveniently forgetting that PSG had previously failed to win three of their last four league games, and currently lie in second behind Lyon, whilst Chelsea are a whole five points clear in THE BEST AND MOST COMPETITIVE LEAGUE IN THE WORLD™.
You hear that Zlatan and co: your easy Ligue 1 matches are a walk in the Parc compared to playing head tennis, pretending to be a fighter jet, or whatever it is that makes training sessions for clubs in THE BE … (oh you get the picture) so trying these days. Look at Cesc Fàbregas after training on Saturday, he looks knackered!
Poor José. Poor Chelsea. So horribly penned into that plush corner of England’s capital. So terribly laden with heavy recently-won silverware. So piously bankrolled by a Russian billionaire. It’s not fair! It might appear that Mourinho is sounding the Siege Mentality Klaxon for the 1,056th time, but he’s not! The EPL is murder: Chelsea have to go to Hull on Saturday week! Imagine!
“So it’s more difficult for English clubs. I am not here to protect anybody,” protected Mourinho, “but do you think it’s normal where Everton is in the Premier League? It’s not normal.”
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT
Join Paul Doyle from 7.45pm GMT for MBM coverage of Chelsea 2-1 PSG (aet, 3-2 agg), while Michael Butler will be in situ for Bayern Munich 3-0 Shakhtar Donetsk (3-0 agg).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“My chapter with Arsenal is not closed … Things may not have gone according to plan so far at Inter but I always want to look at the positives” – Lukas Podolski’s version of ‘the positives’ might not be exactly the same as that of Arsenal’s fans.
FIVER LETTERS
“Outrageous of V Vikas [yesterday’s Fiver letters] to compare Louis van Gaal to peerless philosopher Socrates, and claim that neither had any influence on humankind. Socrates inspired Plato, who taught Aristotle, who tutored Alexander the Great, who led an all-conquering band of warriors thrashing all opposition. It’s that last bit that makes the comparison invalid” – Charles Antaki.
“‘Wisdom lies in knowing how little we know.’ Socrates 6, V Vikas 0” – Mark Dawson.
“I hope Neil Harris does a better job at Millwall than his last gig. He was pants at the Oscars” – Neale Redington.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Charles Antaki.
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BITS AND BOBS
Cristiano Ronaldo has told reporters that he will not speak to them again this season, in doing so instantly breaking his promise.
Schalke have signed the Manchester City defender Matija Nastasic until 2019. “In the future I’d like to help the team achieve our goals,” the central defender whooped.
Swansea’s Bafetimbi Gomis has returned to training following his collapse at White Hart Lane this month.
The police officer who commanded the 1989 FA Cup semi-final at Hillsborough has told the new inquests into the deaths that he is “blank” about what he did for two hours on the day.
STILL WANT MORE?
Is Anthony Ujah the first player to celebrate a goal with an animal? The Knowledge finds out.
The League of Ireland kicks off amid bad pitches, fading stars and the same old shambles. Alan Smith takes a look.
Who is better? Ferguson or Mourinho? There’s only one way to find out … FIGHT!!! Or read this Paul Wilson blog.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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ADRIAN WINS THE BROWN NOSE AWARD | ||
2015년 3월 11일 수요일
The Fiver
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