A STORY WITH ACTUAL PHONE-CALLS MADE IN IT AND EVERYTHING
And so, it falls upon the Fiver to report upon the great Ballon d’Or scandal of 2014-15. Last night we found out that He had won the golden globe itself and, given that He ran away with
The Guardian’s own top player in the world gongbarely a fortnight ago, there won’t be much argument with that here. Likewise, Fifa’s voters agreed with our own by putting Lionel Messi second and Manuel Neuer third. So far, so resolutely drama-free. It’s only
when you scan down the list of voters that the glaring anomaly leaps out. Sure, there are other examples of what an election supervisor might term “suspect” patterns – the fact that of the three coaches and players to pick James Rodríguez as their No1, two were from his native Colombia, or that half of those to pick Gareth Bale are Welsh, or that Sergio Ramos has now had two first-choice votes in three years, both from Real Madrid team-mates (Iker Casillas in 2012 and Him this year). But there was something more deeply troubling.
The Fiver’s Finger of Fury points tonight towards St Lucia. You see, their captain, Sheldon Emmanuel, picked Mario Götze in first place. This was an unusual choice – after all, Germany’s own captain, their coach and their media representatives all picked entirely German top threes, and Götze didn’t get a mention in any of them – and not one other player agreed with him. Two coaches, however, did: Pietro Ghedin of Malta, and Francis Lastic of – coincidentally enough – St Lucia. Even the media, who as any regular Fiver-reader will know can rarely be relied upon for anything much, largely steered clear of the man who scored the winner in the World Cup final, with just two of them plumping for him, namely Antigua’s Baptiste Neto and Lawrence James, who writes for the Mirror, one of the top newspapers in – you guessed it – St Lucia.
Time, then, for the Fiver to do some of the hard-hitting journalism for which it is so universally renowned. We called James, and asked what made him pick Götze over the likes of Ronaldo, who did not even make his top three. “You see, um, we follow international sport very much in St Lucia and I think he’s one of the favourite athletes locally,” he says, hesitantly. “It wasn’t that I don’t like [Ronaldo], I just follow the other footballers, who are more popular.” Right then. So you talked to the island’s other voters and came to a joint decision? “We never talked about it, no,” James insists. “I think that’s coincidence. In fact, I never knew there were other people from St Lucia who voted. It’s just pure coincidence.”
Crikey. What a coincidence. The German team must be incredibly popular over there. “Well, I’d say Brazil are the most popular team here. And then maybe Argentina, France, England.” Germany are not even in the St Lucia top four. The Fiver was not entirely convinced by the “total coincidence” line, so we tried to call the St Lucia captain, only his phone was off. But we did speak to former player Francis Lastic who, despite not being the actual manager of the actual national team, was named on the forms as the man who cast the coach’s vote. “It’s a long story,” Lastic tells us. “You need to speak to the FA office. It wasn’t actually me that voted. It was done at the FA, not by me.”
Very intriguing, though, sadly with deadline klaxons screaming, The Fiver had to actually write something at this point. But adding to the sense of chin-stroking, forelock-tugging, just-one-more-thing-Columbo-quoting wrongness were St Lucia’s votes in 2013 (Messi got all three first choices, He got all three second choices, Iniesta got two of the three third choices) and the two cast from the country in 2011 (apparently there were no St Lucia votes in 2012), which both put Messi in first place. There were only four invalid votes cast globally in 2011, namely the second and third choices of St Lucia’s then captain, Guy George, and their then coach, Alain Providence. It’s all terribly curious, and at the end of it all only one thing can be said with any certainty: if Götze is after a Caribbean holiday in the summer, we know one place where he’d be extremely welcome.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Wolves are a family and we’re united in mourning at the loss of one of the club’s, and the city’s, most cherished sons. Our most sincere condolences go out to Sir Jack’s loved ones at this very sad and difficult time. Sir Jack always said to me that he was a custodian of the club during his ownership, he was merely looking after Wolves for the supporters” – chairman Steve Morgan pays tribute to former owner Sir Jack Hayward,
who has died at the age of 91.
Sir Jack Hayward in 2002. Photograph: Nick Potts/PA
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: the good ship Do One trying to dock as close to Manchester as it can to pick up Manchester City’s Matija Nastasic (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Presuming it is of reasonable size – no longer than 530 feet, no wider than 63.5 feet and with a draft of no more than 24 feet – then it will have been able to dock right in the heart of Greater Manchester by travelling up the Manchester Ship Canal. Admittedly, Salford Quays are a little way from the City of Manchester Stadium, so Matija Nastasic will need to get the Metrolink across town. Handily, though, the quays are right next door to Old Trafford, which one would expect to be the source of most of the ship’s passengers, given recent performances” – Aidan Grant.
“Please can I be the first of 1,057 pedants to point out that ‘and don’t call me Shirley!’ is from Airplane and not Naked Gun (yesterday’s Fiver)? Surely you didn’t make such an error …” – Dan Davies (and 1,056 others).
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES
Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love,
sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope.
BITS AND BOBS
Fresh off the Ched Evans furore, Oldham owner Simon Corney wants out. “I’ve had enough and it’s no secret,”
he railed. “Where does it all end, in 15 or 20 years’ time? I’ve been here for 12 years and I just don’t have the same interest any more. I love the club and love the game but enough is enough. Hopefully it will be a lot more sellable with a new stand there.”
Crystal Palace have signed Yaya Sanogo on loan until the end of the season. “He’s somebody that I have tracked personally,”
cheered Alan Pardew, calling off the sniffer dogs.
It’s January, which means Jorge Mendes is busy. He’s busy all right. Next on his agenda: hawking Falcao to someone,
anyone. “What we do know is that he will play in one of the very best clubs in the world next season, whether that is Manchester United or not,” he honked, presumably emphasising the “not”.
FA suits want Blackpool chairman Karl Oyston
to provide “his observations”after he called a supporter a “retard” and told him to “enjoy the rest of your special needs day out” in a series of foul-mouthed texts.
The stone base of the original World Cup trophy has been found buried deep within Fifa’s volcanic lair. “It’s like finding an Egyptian mummy,”
cheered David Ausseil, creative director of Fifa’s museum. “You can’t put a price tag on it because it’s family jewels.”
Creative director of Fifa’s museum!
Players at Newcastle United have had enough of the speed with which the club is going about appointing a new manager. “If it’s John Carver, it’s good,”
parped Daryl Janmaat. “We like him. I think he can do a good job.”
WIN! WIN! WIN!
STILL WANT MORE?
And even though it’s not about football, The Fiver’s roll-up smoking, bitter-drinking, willow-wielding cousin The Spin waxes lyrical about Chris Gayle,
so read it. And yes, it does include
that anecdote.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVER
Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving?
Click here to sign up.
){kind=small}
댓글 없음:
댓글 쓰기