Posted: 03 Mar 2015 08:02 AM PST
While life would be a whole lot easier if we could simply say, Feel this, and don’t feel that, the truth is, emotions just can’t be categorized that way. For one thing, negatives give counterpoint to positives much in the same way the existence of darkness makes the existence of lightness possible. Otherwise everything would be light, and well, just rosy.
Life, however, doesn’t fit into a lot of things, and one of these is the neat little envelopes we’d like to put our emotions into. It just doesn’t work to say that emotions are really good or bad. Even the ones we typically assign a “negative” value to, have a purpose. One of the things I talk about in LEVERAGE: The Science Of Turning Setbacks Into Springboards, is that facing life challenges has many adaptive advantages, such as, an increased appreciation for life, greater tolerance of stress, more openness to new life experiences, deeper relationships, and even enhanced cognition.
So let’s take a look at three ways “negative situations” have an upside:
They recalibrate our happiness set point. Focus group studies of people who have been through major life catastrophes consistently show that one thing changes — their appreciation for life (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). On a larger scale, a study using the VIA Strength Inventory demonstrated that during 911, gratitude levels increased (Peterson & Seligman, 2003). What we would typically call “bad” situations can have an interesting affect on the lens through which we view the world. When we realize what we could have lost, and how frequently we failed to feel grateful for what we had, the value of things suddenly takes on a profoundly different meaning. And because we value things more, what it takes to make us happy changes too. Maybe before to reach a desired level of happiness — let’s call it our set point — we needed a vacation, a few new material possessions, and maybe an exciting new relationship, now it’s something like a walk in the park with a friend. We simply don’t need as much to reach the same level of happiness. And because we don’t need so much to make us happy, we will probably be doing a lot less searching and a lot more enjoying.
They redefine our priorities. Setbacks are the proverbial roadblocks of life. They make us stop and think — which isn’t a bad thing. While no one would argue that smooth sailing makes life easier, I’m not so sure it makes life better. Because what happens when we reconsider the way we were living our lives, is often some pretty needed changes. We aren’t perfect after all, and checks and balances were designed to keep us moving in the direction that we intend to be moving. Like anything else, we do get off track. It’s just human nature. Unless, of course, we stop and think about it, and maybe ask some questions like, Is this what I really want? What is most important to me and am I spending the most amount of time on it? If I can’t go in the direction I was going, where do I go from here? And we will probably make some pretty important changes. Changes that will lead to a much happier life.
They reveal strengths. We don’t really know the true measure of our strengths until we have to use them. And most of us gravely underestimate our strength. This was another fascinating finding that came out of focus group studies of those who have endured major life traumas — in looking back, most were amazed that they were able to get through them (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). And on the other side of these challenges, all reported an increased sense of personal strength (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). While the test is never easy, what bad situations do offer is a chance to get stronger. In the moment, we may wish we weren’t there — weren’t being tested — but in the aftermath, we will look back in amazement at how strong we really are. And going forward, we will probably feel a lot less afraid, and whole lot more confident.
Perhaps we should reconsider what we call negatives, and look again to see that life is not really black and white, and there can be an upside to feeling down.
For more information on LEVERAGE: The Science Of Turning Setbacks Into Springboards, visitwww.leverageadversity.net
References:
1.Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Post-traumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15, 1
2.Seligman, M., Peterson, C. (2003). Character Strengths Before And After September 11. Research report. University of Michigan and University of Pennsylvania
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