GIVE IT SOME STICK
Back in the days before craft ale, beards and irony, Liverpool v Chelsea was tedious for just being a fixture. Between 2005 and 2007 the clubs met – let’s think – 789 times, producing 787 draws, three and a-half goals, a song about plastic flags and a cloud of Portuguese funk that still lingers over Anfield to this day. But at least that tedium was born of a proper footballing rivalry. It wasn’t the fault of José Mourinho or Rafa Benítez that Big Cup, FA Cup and Coca-Cola Cup tombolas kept pitting the clubs against each other
every single time. The teams grew to know each other better than nonagenarian twins. So well, in fact, that games became notable for nothing of note happening in them. “$hit hanging from a stick” football,
as Jorge Valdano called it. “The extreme control and seriousness with which both teams played neutralising any creative licence, any moments of exquisite skill,” Valdano sobbed, after losing 97 minutes of his life watching the Big Cup semi-final second leg at Anfield in 2005.
But anyway, the Fiver transgr … diagr … digresses. The point being that the cup success of the two clubs back then made the rivalry feel real. Mourinho and Benítez traded more blows than a couple of drunk kangaroos trapped in a sack full of adders. So when Brendan Rodgers, who has pitted his wits against Mourinho all of three times in his managerial career – losing three times –
began to talk up a rivalry with the man he used to put the cones out for at Chelsea’s training ground, the Fiver was less convinced than that time Weird Uncle Fiver said he was giving up mannequins for lent.
“[Winning a trophy would be easier] if you’re a manager that comes into a dressing room full of experienced players that have won consistently,” barked Rodgers, trying to fan the flames of a very small fire after being asked when he’s going to deliver his first bit of silverware to the Anfield trophy room. Rodgers,
who accused Mourinho of parking a couple of buses in front of the goal at Anfield during the 2-0 defeat in April last season, also suggested that Mourinho’s name may no longer be on speed-dial. “We probably don’t have as much contact now … the opportunity to work with him in that period of three-and-a-bit years was invaluable to me and hopefully in some ways I helped him because we had a lot of communication. But of course when you’re fighting for the same competition, the friendship …” peters out, the Fiver assumes.
But while Rodgers continues to make out that he’s heading down a path that could lead to him deliberately not liking the Chelsea manager’s next Instagram post, Mourinho is busy trying to build bridges. In fact, he’s been endearing himself to Liverpool fans before tonight’s Worthington’s Cup semi-final first leg at Anfield by imploring Chelsea supporters to stop chanting that tedious song about $tevie Mbe slipping on his effing tail and giving the ball to Demba Ba. “He’s an opponent I always admired and respected. There is a song that my fans have that I don’t like at all,” harrumphed Mourinho, who usually baits Chelsea fans by telling them to make some noise. “A couple of times it’s good fun but to go and go and go, especially when a player like him deserves respect, we don’t need that.”
As for the match, after watching Chelsea tear Swansea a new one at the weekend, Rodgers shouldn’t be too hasty in ditching Mourinho’s mobile number. He could do with asking him where he left the two buses he parked at Anfield last year. If he wants to create a real rivalry, he may need them.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I find this behaviour shameful. Unnecessary. There is no honour to have a friendly game in Riyadh when, so to speak, right next to the stadium the blogger Badawi is flogged 1,000 times and has his skin pulled off his back” – Özcan Mutlu, Greens spokesman for sports politics issues,
takes a pop at Bayern Munich, fresh back from their Saudi Arabia training camp and friendly against Al-Hilal. Quite the successful trip, given that Al-Hilal president Abdulrahman bin Musa’ad claimed his players were refused entry to a banquet hall where they were supposed to have dinner with Bayern’s. “As guests we could not influence access permissions where we were,” simpered Bayern media bod Markus Hörwick.
FIVER LETTER
“Surely the Bobby M of your acidic imagination (yesterday’s Fiver) would have
defended Everton spot-kick hog Kevin Mirallas by invoking Michael Douglas’s Gordon Gekko character in the film Wall Street? ‘The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good’ – Peter Oh.
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BITS AND BOBS
Rudy Gestede’s Mr 15% is all about the fence-sitting. “The player really wants to sign for Crystal Palace but is also committed to [Blackeye Rovers],”
cheered David Wancier.
Hamilton Accies
are going to charge fans just 10p for admission to Saturday’s game against Inverness Caley Thistle as a tribute to former manager Alex Neil and departing assistant Frankie McAvoy. “We look forward to welcoming all our loyal supporters, and perhaps some new ones, to send Frankie and Alex off with the acclaim they deserve, bawled vice-chairman Ronnie Macdonald.
Good Morning Britain viewers. The key demographic in the Fifa presidential vo … oh. Photograph: Ken McKay/ITV/Rex/Ken McKay/ITV/Rex
Romy Boco has jumped ship from Chesterfield for the bright lights of Indian outfit Bharat FC. “I feel Romy has let [manager] Paul Cook down as he gave him a chance to play football when nobody wanted him,” fumed chief suit Chris Turner.
Port Vale midfielder Colin Daniel has been fined over £1,500 after his household waste was found fly-tipped in Mansfield. “We are determined to crack down on fly-tipping and people who fail to carry out the right checks on businesses or individuals who offer waste removal services,”
said the local council’s Mick Barton.
And Iain Moody has admitted his regret over the text messages which cost him his post as Crystal Palace’s sporting director. “I think good people sometimes do bad things,”
he parped. “It doesn’t mean that they are no longer good people and I think everyone has got something you can refer to in your own past to say: ‘why did I do that?’”
STILL WANT MORE?
We need to talk about Kevin. And Leighton. And Roberto. And Everton. And penalty-taking duties.
So suggests Paul Doyle. We suggest you read.
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