Leveraging Adversity

Re-Thinking Setbacks: Four Reasons We Are Wrong About These Frustrating Events Posted: 09 Feb 2015 12:03 PM PST Photo by mariachily  It seems unthinkable. How can anyone say that they “wouldn’t change a thing” after losing their legs to bacterial meningitis? Or how can anyone call thirty years spent in prison for a crime he didn’t commit a “glorious experience?” When we hear things like this, most of us think they can’t possibly be true. It’s just too hard to wrap our heads around the idea that anyone wouldn’t be completely devastated by these horrific events. But these statements are not fabricated. Dan Gilbert, and many others, have amassed plenty of data to make the point that what we think about setbacks, and they way they affect us, is just plain wrong. In one very telling study, Gilbert shows that lottery winners and paraplegics are equally happy just three months after the events that changed in their lives (1). Further research, done by Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004), recount the stories of several trauma survivors to demonstrate tremendous gains in gratitude, connection, openness, sense of personal strength, and spirituality after severe trauma (2). When it comes to setbacks, we often get it wrong. Here are four reasons why: We Think They Will Be Worse Than They Are. If you ask most people how negative events will affect them, they predict the impact will be much worse that it actually is (1). While we may feel temporarily sidelined, happiness tends to return to baseline levels in less than six months. The reason, as Dan Gilbert postulates, is that humans have a unique ability to “manufacture happiness.” Using what Gilbert dubs our “psychological immune system” we filter information, rationalize our choices, and make do with the best — all of which leaves us with an amazing ability to make it through what are often very trying situations. Yet, we seldom realize this ability, which is why we predict that setbacks will feel much worse than they actually do. We Underestimate Our Ability To Adapt. We’ve all heard if before, “There’s no way I could get through something like that,” but in looking at people’s response to life altering events, Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, two prominent post-traumatic growth researchers, demonstrate that, unlike what we think of traumatic events, they are often the trigger for profound growth. The evidence? As Tedeschi and Calhoun point out, reports of post-traumatic growth outweigh reports of PTSD (2). When it comes to making it through life’s setbacks, we do much better than we ever give ourselves credit for. We Think In “All Good” or “All Bad” Terms. Most people tend to think that getting past a setback means an absence of negative symptoms. We think that in order to feel good, we have to stop feeling bad. But the work of Tedeschi and Calhoun has demonstrated that growth begins before distress ends. Many trauma survivors report feeling stronger, more connected, and appreciating life more, while continuing to report flashbacks, anxiety, and feeling mistrustful (2). The point the Tedeschi and Calhoun make is that growth occurs as a result of a prolonged struggle — in fact, traumas that are longer in nature tend to lead to greater growth gains. Why? Because the longer we struggle with something, the more we have to learn, and the stronger we have to become — skills that lead to growth. We Underestimate Ourselves. It’s impossible to estimate strength until it is tested — especially emotional strength. Because setbacks face us with unavoidable, overwhelming and novel situations, what they reveal is our nature. We find out who we are and what we are made of. The truth is, as Gilbert, Tedeschi, and Calhoun note, is that people consistently underestimate their strengths. While Gilbert hypothesizes that we are unaware our our ever- present psychological immune system, (1) Tedeschi and Calhoun draw upon numerous accounts of trauma survivors who state, “not believing they could have made it through” when looking back upon their traumas (2). Yet the end result is the same, after going through adversity, setbacks, and hardship, the majority report feeling much stronger than they ever thought possible. Setbacks can be devastating. But they can also inspire dramatic growth. And for that reason, they are worth re-thinking. For more information on rethinking setbacks, leveraging adversity and post-traumatic growth, visit www.leverageadversity.net References: 1. Gilbert, D. (2006). Stumbling on Happiness. New York, Knopf. 2. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Post-traumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15, 1

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